Why I started this Podcast. Midlife Crisis or Midlife Awakening?

0:00Okay, welcome to the Rewired and Radiant podcast with Debbie Thompson. This is a bit of a different episode today. And what we're gonna do is we're actually going to interview Debbie and understand the deeper why, her story, and why she created this for women around the world. And for those that don't know Debbie, she just had a quiet truth that she couldn't ignore. And on the outside life was good. On the inside, there was a feeling that she couldn't quite know, which I'm sure a lot of you can relate to when something feels off. And she realized that the discomfort was a signal. It wasn't a sign that something was broken or something that was broken down. For those that don't know her, her background is as a counselor, a former high school teacher. She's a mother of three. And currently she's traveling around Australia with her partner in the van.

0:45So she's doing these podcasts whilst living a beautiful life. And her work is from lived experience. And I guess the thing that she loves to do is open connections and communications to help women recognize and name the feelings that go unnamed. And also to really just shine the light on real women with real stories, with real lived experience. And she feels like that's her dharma and her way of sharing her gifts with the world. So welcome Debbie. Thank you, Rory. Weird being on the other side, but lovely. Yeah. How does it feel? Yeah. It's quite interesting to be vulnerable and sharing this with who knows who's going to listen to it and who knows what it might stir in somebody else.

1:30So it's almost like the butterfly effect that's going out into the world. And you have absolutely no idea what it's going to, where it's going to go and what it's going to do. Well, let's start with this. So like, let's start with like helping your audience actually get to know who the woman is behind this podcast and why you're doing it. So take me through in the first couple of minutes, like your story, like peaks and valleys and mountain tops and all the achievements and the roles. And just speak into the essence of what helped you arrive here. Okay. That's a lot of stuff and I will try and keep it distinct, but I've lived in three different continents. I grew up in Africa. I lived in England for a while and then I immigrated to Australia. So I've lived in a lot of different places. I had a really middle class, good life,

2:16great education, traveled lots, married an amazing man, had three beautiful children, had a career, was able to give up for a while to be a full-time mom. So I feel incredibly privileged and I've had a really good life. I was an accountant first, then a teacher, then a counselor. And one of the things about me is I'm very curious. And I think my curiosity was probably one of the things that got me thinking differently. So how I got to where I've got here now is I had a moment in time when I wasn't so busy. I was a busy mom working, doing all things for all people, being mother, wife, friend, daughter, et cetera, et cetera.

3:02And my kids all left home and suddenly I had space. And that space gave me a moment to just pause and reflect. And I think I've been so busy achieving and doing and I'll go into the busy and the achieving later on. And there was just a mingle. And then the other thing that happened compounded with that is I was listening to a podcast with Bronnie Ware, who wrote a book about the top regrets of the dying. And I was so surprised that the top regret of the dying was I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself and not the life that others had expected for me. And oh my gosh, that moment,

3:48that one phrase just landed so hard and it just went, I need to have the courage to look at my life and see, am I living it for me or for what others expected? So that was kind of the turning point. And that's a beautiful book by Bronnie Ware and that's something that I too resonate with. For anyone, if you haven't read it, just go look at it and look at the top five regrets of the dying. And to live a life with no regrets is a beautiful moment. And I really resonate with this because what I have now is there's only three people I take advice from. One is my eight-year-old self, one is my eight-year-old self and one is my higher self. And it's always been the most beautiful guides. And it's a reminder to ask ourselves these questions

4:35and for anyone that is watching or listening, please just go ask yourself. And like you said, there's a turning point. Debbie, the concept of like the stone in the chute, right? There's always a why behind this. So you could be doing anything. You could be traveling with your husband. You know, you've got more than enough resources. You've got a beautiful family, beautiful kids. Like to be honest, you're living a life that many people would dream of having. And so beyond this life that you created, why did you feel called to create this platform, this podcast and to do what you're doing now? Oh, that's a really good question. And it evolves as I'm doing it. I, as I said, I got curious. And when I get curious, I start looking and learning.

5:22And I didn't really know much about the mind, the subconscious and the conscious mind. And then when I realized how little control we have and the fact that the subconscious is in charge of 95% of what goes on, I would, I really need to understand this. And then when I started going down the more traditional, I did a counseling course because I really wanted to understand it myself and help other people. But what I found after the counseling course was it was very much talk focused about looking at the conscious and the subconscious. And the subconscious is something that you can't think into action. You need to feel into action. So that's when I went to the next level and I started looking at intuition. I've always been quite intuitive,

6:07but I'd never really spent time. So I did a lot of reading around, you know, the neuroscience of how it works as well as the spiritual masters and went on numerous courses on and became a spiritual coach as well. And all of this kind of fueled more curiosity. And I knew that there was something niggling but I didn't know what it was because I had a good life. I should be grateful. I should be, you know, I shouldn't really have a stone but what I realized when I dug deeper as well is going back to your eight year old self or even younger, you know, your five, there are these kind of core words that we call them

6:55that we carry with us. I kept her safe once upon a time and they were really important. And one of the most prominent for me was the controller. And it was silly. My parents fought quite a bit when they were younger. They were loving, you know, the house was safe but I didn't feel safe. And so from a five year old to feel safe I had to control everything with an inch of its life. And the other one was because my, you know, generational wounds, my grandparents had come out of the wall starving. And if you weren't educated and had a good job you were gonna die probably and you weren't, you didn't get your, you weren't valued. So the two things that really drove me my whole life was controlling everything.

7:40And the other one was being seen to be valuable by doing and doing external things that people could validate. So much of my life was driven by those two. And when I met these parts of me and the, you know, the controller's called the boss man and he wears this big suit and the, you know and when I met him and understood why he was there and how he was, how he helped me but that I no longer needed that control because it was affecting my relationships with my children. I wanted to control them. It was affecting how I was doing life as well because I wanted to control it rather than letting it flow, if that makes sense. And the other one, the achiever, I was doing stuff

8:25not because I necessarily wanted to but because that was how I was validated. So I had to bring these two up, befriend them and reassign them because they're really powerful characters. They were the ones who kept me safe and actually allowed me to have this amazing life. And I really love like the, and this is beautiful as well to talk through this because you're talking about some concepts like parts integration to recognize the parts of ourselves. And I remember a beautiful quote which is the ability to return to wholeness is to be able to be aware of all parts of ourselves. You know, the shadow side, the controllers, the mother and to be able to hold it all and really integrate it into who we are and also decide which one leads in each moment.

9:13And this is like from internal family systems. I know you've done a lot of work on parts integration for anyone that wants to explore it. And these are just little tools, right? They help us gain more awareness for the curiosity in the questions. When we start asking questions, the quality of the question will determine the quality of the answer or also it will start to determine who we get connected with. And there's so many people around us that have the answers, right? And I guess that's a big part of what you do is you connect people with the solutions without telling them what to do. And it's such a beautiful way of sharing stories. And in that, there'll be common threads and common stones and common ceilings. And what you actually recognize as well is like a lot of this was in your mind but you said, you know, to really get to the core

9:59what there wasn't about thinking anymore was actually doing the opposite. It was about feeling which is the divine semen and this is where she surrenders. She allows her kids to be kids. She allows her husband to do what he does. And it's really interesting that you talked about the control of being him, the unhealthy masculine, the polarities that we talk about in our life. And we take on these roles because of something in our childhood where we felt that was the role we needed to play to feel safe. And then when we let go of that we realized we've always been safe. We're a loving husband. We've got more than enough resources. And it gives us a chance to really drop those walls down and then through that something beautiful happens, right? And I wanna ask you this because we went through your wife the other week and initially it started very much in the mind and you were like, there were so many men. I said, tell me when it hits your heart and you cry.

10:48So do you wanna share with me what your real wife is and the why that hit your heart, not the why in your mind or you think that you have to tell us? I think the why that really hit my heart was that we have this one precious life. And the more I delve into the spirituality of it, the more the fact that we're alive and breathing is just such a miracle and such a gift. And whenever I say that I just get goosebumps because it is such a gift and to take this gift of life and to not fully express yourself. We're not here, we're here once depending on what you believe

11:35but we're here once to fully be ourselves, to fully express who we are, to fully feel joy, to fully love, to fully create. And so for me, I was like, oh my God, I have to get this out to the world because this is just so profound. And how do I do it? Because I didn't know I had a stone in my shoe. The only way I knew was when I gave my, when I had time actually when the kids left and I actually had time and I had time to reflect and I was curious and I was courageous to actually go in and find those. So the three things came together and I found mentors. So and I understand I'm in a privileged position for time but we can all give ourselves time

12:21and we can all be curious. And so I guess what came to me is that I would like to be the one telling stories so that if some or not telling the stories but getting these amazing women on who tell their stories and by telling the story, someone listening will go, gosh, that's me and there will be a spark in them. And that ignition might be the thing that gives them the courage or the time or the space to go, who am I? And am I going to be courageous enough to live the life that's true to me so that on my deathbed I have no regrets? Oh, and for anyone listening that now we feel what a lightness is, right? And this is why like we wanted to do this with Davies

13:08so that you can seal and censor and what you talked about is this moment of remembrance. People call it spirituality. It's this moment where we realize that yeah, we get this one beautiful gift. The thing you talked about is gratitude. The things that you're already grateful for and from that space now we're in a place to serve because we're not lacking, we're not needing to be fixed. We're not needing to control and we realize that we already have everything within us and then it ignites this spark, right? You talk about this fire, this ignition and if this podcast or when it just reminds everyone out there of this simple truth, the remembrance and the gratitude for what we have irrespective of what's happened in life. Do you know what I mean? And it ignites that spark. Then on the other side of it is their most authentic expression

13:53and having the courage to choose that in their own unique form in whatever way it is. Our experiences obviously shape our Dharma. You know, I'm the same. Like I've gone pain to purpose, trauma to triumphs, grief to grace and every single time it becomes an energy for me. And once we learn to transmute that by understanding, being able to name it. What is that feeling? What is that sensation? Grief was such a tough one for me to name. I was like, it's just like, there was a thing in here. You know, pain was like this really low energy trauma was this like scattered, like, you know not trusting my own truths. And then when I go back to my heart and I can listen to the calling I've created space and nature's doing us in breath. Then all of a sudden the whispers come back. The noise disappears and then the truth comes. And then what we do with that is the expression

14:38what you're doing is you're creating a platform that invites women to share their truth, their authenticity. So this is beautiful. Cause now we're starting to see why you do what you do and also how you help create a bridge for other women to do it. So from the women that you've interviewed so far before we talk about the stone in your shoe I want to ask you what have you noticed is out of all these speakers from different parts of the world these different women with different experiences what has been a common trend in what the stone in their shoe was? That is a good question. And the commonalities are not being not being good enough and showing them different ways not being lovable, not being seen

15:24not having permission to use their voice. And that wound came from numerous places not just lots of different things. We've got DV, we've got war, we've got trauma we've got poverty. There's a lot of different ways it came in but it seems to be those the core things of I'm not enough as I am. And so I need to be and show up in a way that is enough for everybody else in whatever way you believe that was enough whether it was being a people pleaser or compliant or an achiever. And that, and that's the interesting thing with all those women

16:09some of them had to fall off a cliff literally have a breakdown have cancer, get into bed for six months before they listened to that voice. Others it wasn't quite as dramatic but it all comes down to those beliefs that we had when we were young that kept us safe that we don't even know we're caring because it's so subconscious. And that is the hardest thing because it is so subconscious we don't even know they're there we just act out in a certain way and until the stone becomes unbearable that you have no choice but to do something. And I don't want to get to that point. Sorry, Rory. I want women to get that feeling and that understanding before the stone

16:58kind of cuts their foot off, so to speak. So if this podcast was purely about reminding women that there were more than enough and really sparking their voice and their inner power and their intuition and their trust and their ability to follow their heart this would be absolutely game changing. You know what I mean? Because it's so curious as a man to hear that I experienced this with women in my life as well. And I'm like, there's, I've noticed there's nothing I can do to allow a woman to receive the intention, the love, the care that they deserve. And as a man, I'm like, man, I wish I wish you could see me in the way that I see you. And I wish you could just receive this and circulate it and reciprocate it

17:44and pay it forward and stop blocking it. I don't know what's blocking it. I don't know why, you know, there's always a perceived intention or something. And I'm well aware, you know, from the masculine perspective, like when I come into a connection, whether it's business, whether it's friendship, whether it's relationship, I am taking on the energy of every single man and every single woman and every single parent that has impacted their life. And some have created really beautiful experiences and some challenging. So if this is a podcast that really can inspire women that no matter what's happened, wherever they've come from, whether they're a lotus flower growing in the mud or whether they're born into a kingdom and, you know, have an opportunity to do something beautiful, that, you know, they are more than enough and they believe that to be true for themselves

18:30and they're grateful for what they have. And then they literally just pay that forward and share the unique gifts and their voice with the world without apology, then that would be something truly miraculous. And that truly would. And the thing is it's an inside job, Rory. Everyone has to do their own inside job because we all have these wounds that show up differently. But if we take the time to be radically honest with ourselves, radically open, radically being able to, you talked about the shadow sides, being able to look at our shadow sides and the sides that we admire and like about ourselves and know that all of it makes us who we are unique.

19:16It's the yin and yang of life. We can't just be perfect and wonderful and everything going well. We need the other sides as well. And it's being able to bring them up and befriending every part of you and knowing that everything that happened and so much does happen. It's just, it's a story that we tell ourselves and how we hold onto it and what we can learn from it. And I would say it's an inside job. Give yourself time, trust yourself, have the courage. Have the courage to go in and really meet yourself. What's an all? Because it's beautiful. What's an all? And what you said is the key and these are sacred keys. What is? We took 110% radical responsibility

20:03for our lives now. Every single thing that we've done, whether conscious, subconscious, whether reactive, whether, you know, from false dopamine or real dopamine, we chose it all. And then we take 100% accountability for the consequences of that and the things that happened after that and it's either a beautiful winner or it's a lesson. The story is ours to share. If it's like, okay, well, there's poison there but we don't have to hold that. We can transmute that into something beautiful in the world. The pain is a beautiful signal for me because whenever I reach it, it just tells me I'm out of alignment and I know on the other side of that is purpose and I get so excited now. Seer is a signal to lean in, not to lean out. And it's like we get to start to rewire these feelings and these sensations and notice that feelings and sensations, not thoughts.

20:49We can write gratitude in our journal but do we have gratitude in motion in the real life? You know, I'm grateful like you might be grateful for your husband. It's like, cool, what have you done today to show that gratitude for a man who's love language is probably access service. He's never gonna ask for it. Words of affirmation don't touch the surface for him. Quality time, great, he's there. He's present all the time, right? But you do something small and all of a sudden the whole universe shifts, your whole relationship shifts, right? So these are such beautiful concepts and Debbie, I think you're the muse to really share this with the world. Now the next question is, you know, we talk about the stone in the shoe. So what did you recognise was the stone in the shoes for you? What do you think? Yeah, the stone wasn't really a big moment in time.

21:39It was more of something feels off and it was in the moment of time when my children left as well. So one of the other hats that I was wearing I was no longer wearing it. So it was, I guess it was a moment to show me and give me some time to go. This is for you to explore, not to ignore. And I lent into that to go instead of going, oh, well I'll be busy because I could have easily just gone and got busy and patched that feeling up. But I decided to lean into it and what was uncovered was not where I thought I was going. I was kind of opening Pandora's box, right? Because some of the stuff you open are amazing things and some are demons that perhaps you don't want to

22:26but it's an important part of the whole process. So it was that feeling of discomfort which I couldn't quite name. I was happy and I was joyful but I wasn't as happy as I could be or as joyful or looking back with this feeling of we have this one amazing life. I want to make every moment as joyful and fun and creative and being in the moment as I can. Obviously I'm human and that's not going to happen but I wanted to intentionally do that. So that and Brony wears, you know, top or go to the dying. Those were the two things that went, there's a stone in my shoe. I don't really know what it is but I need to find out.

23:12And that's when I started taking the stone off doing all this work. Sorry, taking the shoe off and doing all this work, studying, reading, getting mentors, et cetera. And that's a beautiful thing. And I remember the author, I don't remember a name at the moment but four key questions is once we recognize the discomfort, it's a feeling, it's a sensation. It's not that something's wrong, it's just something's off. And it's a sensation and a feeling that's just asking to be recognized. You know what I mean? Obviously we can, in meditation, we can feel and sense things without attaching a story. And that's a beautiful practice. That's like, it's an amazing thing to be able to do but most of the time we attach a story and then we repeat it, right?

23:58And it's an insight of our creation in life because you know, whatever I see or whatever I believe to be true, it's going to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. So to be able to sit with that and to look at it and to be aware of it and to notice it and to move it into something beautiful like this comfort can be something beautiful too. It might just be like, hey, I'm tired. Hey, I'm playing a role. Hey, this isn't my most authentic self. And I remember the questions that this, I think it was Kate, but that she asked is, is this true? So when she looked at it, she asked like, is this really true? Is there anything that I can find in my life to say that this is true and experience or is it just true in what I feel on the moment? Is it true in patterns of behavior?

24:43Is it true in multiple levels? And it just gets us to question our underlying beliefs and truths. So what was the truth that you found in that discomfort for you? The truth was that I was, the big, you know, one, and I've done quite a lot of work to unravel it is I was not safe to say because I was quite a big character and I said a lot. And as a child that was hard for my teachers and my parents, so I was shut up a lot. So I wasn't safe to express myself fully. And so that always kind of kept me in the boundaries of what is acceptable and what I should do. And my jobs were very, you know,

25:28an accountant and a teacher very much, you know, in the roles of what is acceptable. So I guess the thing that I learned was that it was absolutely fine to be authentically me not everyone was going to love what I was doing in my message, but it was done from such a place of love and such a place of service that, you know, I wasn't gonna hurt anybody along the way. And also I also realized that I was a very courageous child and that again was pushed down. And that courage was kind of one of my superpowers. So I could ask people the questions

26:14that other people might skirt around and go deeper. And because of my compassion for people, I think it allowed them to feel safe as well. And so they could really dig deep and go, oh my gosh, I never really thought, you know, I hadn't actually thought that's how I felt, but that is what's underlying the shoe and sorry, the stone in the shoe. So that was a very profound moment for me to understand that these things that it held me back as you said, paint purpose was actually now my purpose. And it's so beautiful because you said I was trying to think my way into ceiling, right? And when you were a kid, your sensitivity was a superpower,

27:00your compassion, your curiosity. And then society said, no. And then you went into a role like accounting, like that's not new, right? And now coming back into your truth, like obviously counseling and teaching and guiding, that's a role you had as a mother too, right? But now you're coming into a more expressive, authentic version of yourself where your curiosity and your conversations and your voice isn't just welcome, but it's actually needed in the world. There's this divine seven and rising. And what you're doing is you're now shining the light on women that also have a voice and you create a bridge for them. And I think that's the most powerful thing. Even as a man, like I support this because I'm well aware that it's time for me to shut up. It's time for me to really step back and to hold the frame

27:46and to allow women to do what they do best and create community and create connection and cohesion and co-creation. And I feel like it's not just a shift within your family and in your life, but it's also a shift within society where we're coming back home to this remembrance, right? This matriarchy where it's like you hold the wisdom. And like as we start to finish this off and people get to know you on a deeper level, imagine that your granddaughters or your grandson or someone watches this one day. What would be the one message that you have for them? Oh, the one message I would, is just one message. Gosh, that's hard. I might have to slinch too. I don't really know,

28:31but it's to listen to yourself. And even if everything looks good on the outside, if something feels off, it matters. It matters that it's there. And it doesn't have to be a crisis. It's just a feeling knowing the truth and give yourself the grace and the time to look at that and see what comes up. And with no judgment, with love, with so much self-love, because so often we expect ourselves to be something that we're not. And to listen with grace and love, I'd say to listen to yourself with grace and love and self-acceptance and realize that it's your story and you're creating it

29:16and it's miraculous. And the fact that you're here is a miracle. And what would be the one question that you would ask them? Because I know that you're a question master and the quality of the question, the terms, the inner answer and the reminder that the GPS is within. So what would be that question that you would ask? That question I would ask is, what am I truly feeling right now? And I know with, as we talked about earlier, that feelings have stories attached. But what am I truly feeling without the story, without the attachment to what society expects of me?

30:05The attachment of the story and what I've brought with me and my wounds. But what is it really trying to say? That's what I would say. What is the feeling really trying to guide me toward? What is it trying to do? Is it trying to do me to? That's beautiful. And maybe give me permission because sometimes it's, if we don't think we're good enough or worthy or whatever, and it's crazy that we need permission, but to actually be authentically ourselves and resonate with that authenticity. And if that's one thing I could leave with my children and their children and my family,

30:51would be go and be authentically you. And one last thing, you mentioned the main challenge that a lot of women have is that they have this feeling that they don't feel unworthy. And I get it. We grew up in a society where there's so much fear and comparison, you've got to do this, you've got to play this role. And now it's like, the masculine versus the feminine. And it's like, we've been born into a society that creates separation, right? And it does that intentionally to obviously make sure that we don't rise together, make sure that we don't connect and come back into community and common union and collaboration and co-creation. So if you were to share from all your wisdom over the decades,

31:38and a message to a young woman out there that might be feeling that she's not enough or might not be feeling that she's worthy. She might have the achievements, the accolades. She might look good on the surface or the external reality is beautiful, but deep down, she honestly doesn't feel it and she doesn't know why. What message from everything you've experienced would you share with her? Gosh. I would say, give yourself grace and self-compassion to be radically honest with yourself with no judgment so that when all these things come up, there's no judgment, there's no story attached and that you can see the thought,

32:24the story for what it actually is and it's never true. It's based on something that society or family, you know, what happened to you. And if you could just look at it for what it really is and that you are a gift from God, whatever God is to you and that you are meant to be in this world to thrive and any of these, I'm sorry I'm going round in circles, but it's just to compassion and self-compassion, love and grace and know that you are supposed to be in this world loved and just the way you are. So needed, you know, like, so needed.

33:09Like imagine this, right? Imagine you didn't exist. Just with these three beautiful humans exist. I look at myself and, you know, I chat with my mom who's in her 80s now and she still feels this lack of love and self-worth and I look at it and I'm like, mom, like you see all the things that I'm doing in the world, that's because of you. You created the most thing in the world, life. I wouldn't be here without you. And she had the auction to abort me. Society said while she was 44 and she chose to do what felt right to her truth. So the big thing is, is like you're inviting women to look at the feeling, look at the story

33:54that they're not worthy or they're unworthy or they need to be more and do more and to really just be the witness and just ask if that's true and then to find their own truths and also find things in their lives that reinforce how freaking amazing they are, find their own gratitude and then put that into motion with their own authentic voice and get out there and, you know, start acting from that place and watch the external reality shift once they seal that and sense that within themselves in the relationship, in their work, in their lives, in their Dharma. And I feel like that's what this podcast is here to do than I'm a man out here that will support this 110%. So keep going, Debbie, and thank you so much for having the truth, honesty, the vulnerability, the sensitivity, to superpower, the curiosity.

34:40And I look forward to watching more podcasts and what would you say to anyone that's listening? How can they keep in touch with you? How can they follow you? What can they reach out to you for? The podcast is called The Stone in My Shoe and on all platforms. The Instagram and Facebook is Rewired and Radiant and I'm going to start creating communities where women can get together and authentically connect but also if that fire has been ignited and that there's a feeling not sure what the stone is, I'm going to start creating platforms where we can unravel what the stone is and work with, see that stone with love and compassion

35:27and then put things in place to help remove the stone, rub it down, whatever we need to do with that stone. And so that's all coming. Amazing and how can people find you or reach out to you? Say if they wanted to jump on the podcast or if they have a woman that has a beautiful story to share, what's the best way to get in contact with you? They can email me, debbieatthetompsons.com I'll put this in the notes. Otherwise just DM me on Facebook or Instagram and I'd love to hear because everyone has a story and I would love to hear from anyone who's listening who has something that would help somebody else. They've been through something, they've got some wisdom on the other end and all of this helps somebody else see it in themselves

36:15and that spark, who knows what the butterfly effect can be from that one conversation that you have to another woman listening and their family and their community and everybody, your story could spark whole change and change your family, change your community, change who knows. You gave me due response. All right, debbie. Thanks, Rory, appreciate it and thank you everyone for listening. No worries, until next episode, okay? Until next, yeah. Thank you, bye.