Grief and Loss: Ignoring the Warning Signs, Losing It All and Finding the Compass Within | Dr Jayn

0:00I'm Debbie Thompson and this is The Stone in My Shoe, the podcast where we explore how midlife can become the most true purposeful and fulfilling chapter yet. My name's Debbie Thompson and this is The Stone in My Shoe podcast, in fact the first one so I'm very excited and in this podcast we explore how midlife can become the most true purposeful and fulfilling chapter yet when we choose to follow our inner wisdom and intuition. And each week I speak with women who followed a quiet nudge or sometimes being pushed off a cliff and chose curiosity over convention and created a life that feels aligned. And these stories are rich with lived wisdom reminding us that midlife can be a powerful

0:45doorway into what's next. So welcome and I'm very excited to have Dr Jayn here so I just want to quickly introduce her. She's a neurophysiological psychologist I mean she's got so many when I read her bio I'm like oh I don't think I can actually speak to her and her path has taken her from global mergers and acquisitions to deep psychological healing and we'll go into this a little bit in this podcast. She holds a doctorate in psychology along with dual masters degrees in marriage and family therapy and organizational psychology and in her culture there's no family name so she's just known as Dr Jayn and she lives in San Francisco and is currently in Malaysia where she's preparing villa 19 which I can't wait to go to a residential

1:35sanctum for nervous system regulation psychological repair and full body recalibration that's what I need but alongside her clinical work Dr Jayn has also worked walked red carpets in Hollywood and she speaks six languages yep six languages. She brings a rare blend of scientific precision cultural fluency and deep compassion to everything she does. So welcome Dr Jayn. Hi how are you Debbie? Yes so good so good to have you on here and and to you to be the first person I'm interviewing because gosh you've got an interesting story. Yes I do. So before we go into the starting the shoe because that's really you know what this is about and I just wanted to find out you know where are you where are you now

2:25in work in the season of your life where do you find yourself? I feel like I just finished a very hard period I think towards the end of 2025 that is taking me into a renewed energy and I'm so energized now for 2026 so I'm in an amazing place to create and you know and let's go okay my life. That sounds wonderful I can feel the energy I can feel this amazing creative energy so if someone met you today what might they not immediately see about the journey that brought you here? I think a lot of people do not know I'm actually a product of a single mother who worked as a maid never went to school and so I feel like I am the poster child when it

3:18comes to I made this I created every single thing be it good bad ugly I created all of it but my mother as a single mother set that platform where she said do not allow what happened to me happened to you so she worked so hard and a lot of people helped her to get to where her children can go abroad instead of living in Malaysia and you know my sister and I have world-class education my sister went to the US I went to the UK and then I so I am everybody's story I you know and and that's what you're going to learn you know as you speak to me today that I am you and you are me yes that's that's beautiful and what a what a legacy for your

4:07mom to to pass on to you to know that you are you're the creator of your life and that you are powerful and that you are whole and that you can do it what a beautiful legacy I'm actually getting goosebumps just saying that me too so let's go on because this is what it's about is you know you what an amazing life you've had in terms of your career and your education like world-class doesn't even you know it doesn't even encapsulate it but there was some stones in your shoes so do you want to take us back to the first time when there was a maybe a nudge or you were pushed off a cliff and just tell me what happened so I like to go back to when I was 30 years old so I'm doing mergers and acquisition between Asia as well as Europe and Middle East

4:59and so I am in in Germany and that there's a you know I am not well I can physically feel I'm not well so this is my body telling me hey something is not right any longer but I don't listen so what happens is it gives me a lump this big on my left breast so and I still don't go to the doctor because my work was my life you know I'm just I'll go to work at seven o'clock in the morning come back 11 o'clock at night when am I going to make time it's always you know I think as women we tend to give to everybody else and not take care of ourselves so um finally it got big enough when it was likely protruding I was like oh my god now I have to go

5:49and I went and um and they said okay that's a big mass and you know we need to see what it is we need to do the biopsy did I go no I still did not go um and then universe says oh really you don't want to listen okay it made my right knee not work any longer so I couldn't drive what did I do I went to work in a wheelchair oh my god so what was it that was driving you because those are give me a sign from the universe and the universe has slapped you around the face twice right kicked you kicked you in the knees so to speak and yet you couldn't listen it's not what was it a subtle sign that was a push off the cliff what was driving you so poverty

6:40poverty okay the fear of coming coming from poverty and now I have you know a great job you know and being a single woman at 30 because you know in my culture 27 is the shelf life you know I've really put way past that and so it's fear it's fear driven it is I'm gonna lose everything if I'm sitting in a hospital bed someone else will take over blah blah blah you know it's the stories that we cut in our head yeah so it's poverty it's fear fear based poverty yeah gosh Jayn and so how did that unfold so um and then I was in the Middle East I was my sister had given birth and she was posted to Dubai and I went to the Middle East

7:31and for the first time I was actually just lying on her couch because I was there for business and I was lying on her couch I never watched tv I've never found time to watch tv because my mom never let us watch tv she was like no education education because that's going to get you out of poverty yeah so I was finally just lying down and I saw Paris Hilton and all her antics with a small dog and everything I was like lying there and I was just binge watching not that anything was going through my head and every time Paris would make a a mistake with her friends or say the wrong thing or whatever and I'm like no no no don't do that and I kept hearing myself like no this is going to lead to this and then this was going to happen and I was like

8:20where did this all come from like I was able to tell her exactly what to do and not do and you know and I kept watching the next episode and I was doing the same thing and I was kept and I was like wow maybe that's what I should do you know like actually tell people like hey if you go down this road this is what it's going to lead to because I've seen emerges and acquisition I've seen it in my own family in what my mom how she would live life and telling us hey if you go down this path this is what's going to happen so I think I had this internal wisdom and also this internal thermometer thermometer that kept telling me what I should be telling Paris Hilton so I owe Paris Hilton my life right now

9:08how bizarre how bizarre is that but also from someone who needed such big well not even like a slap in the face with your your but this is not working you what you're you know what you're doing is is you need to do something and you ignored it to a very subtle and slightly weird intuition and then to follow that in fact that's going from there to there and also to take from this very successful job and go I'm going to do something completely different which is unknown unknown and you know completely from left brain to right brain yeah right a lot of emotions so so at that point I'm getting goosebumps right now telling you this

9:54at that point I listened that was when I listened actually and then I went to Germany I attended my resignation and and I said I can't do this anymore I think I know where I need to go and as universe would have it it's like when you finally listen the universe provides yeah be it god be it you know whatever people believe in and so I'm just going to use universe so that we are more you know like it applies to everybody yeah yeah and so I was at my farewell party and they had it at this beautiful place and you know how sometimes you go to restaurants and all the stars who've been there they'll sign and they're going to picture a picture of that

10:43yeah yeah guess who was there Paris Hilton no I swear I looked at that and I said the words that came out of my mouth was huh and I said I wish I had your money right now that's all I said wow there was a person at the back of me yeah and he said if you had her money what would you do I didn't even turn around I said I would go to grad school and I would change people's lives that was my sentence was that something brewing in you or did that come out at that moment was that conscious no it was very unconscious and but the icing on this story is three months later that person

11:32was at the back of me he gave me a hundred thousand us dollars and told me go and get your dream well and just somebody who knew you well like no no and so that's what I got to know this person and their family and it's a very old German family and you know when I got to know them and I you know my question was like why are you guys doing this and they said well we would go out and buy a new fancy sports car anyway wow so we'd rather give this to you wow so that's that is the universe going one step at a time Paris Hilton on the tv going I'm gonna then saying I would do this then him go and at this point because did you then understand that you had this very strong

12:21intuitive power and that you should trust it or you still oh hell no girl oh okay oh okay not yet I know yes I was lucky okay okay but you've got to follow this because the money came and you're like I want to change it I had burnout I have to I have to change the stone in my shoes actually cutting me causing you so much pain okay so but I had to heal myself because I still had a lump in my breast and you know I've got my view that's not working so but in doing that my body knew okay she's showing up okay and when I actually went for the biopsy it was just you know I think it was just got tissue I just have a very dense breast so and guess what it was

13:07fine and you know with massage actually it went away yeah and my knee auto-repaired itself just with physical therapy yeah yeah so again it has to be that loud for someone as stubborn as me or coming from a place of poverty and fear just it needs to be this loud because if not I'm not gonna listen no and that was loud I mean that was as loud as it gets yeah all right so you now go to grad school and oh no not yet not oh right so so what happens along this path I am like okay I'm gonna help people but then I own I only know my story my story is you know it's from poverty and you know and all of that and and but of course I have a trailblazer mom who's so supportive and you

13:57know and I've just seen that so I applied to all the amazing grad schools in the east coast all the Ivy Leagues and I actually get in and I'm like yes I'm going and you know just super happy and then my sister calls me one day and one of my farewell parties in Malaysia and said because I from Germany I came to Malaysia and she says oh we're having twins and we're moving back to the US and I for me for me family comes first and I wanted to be part of the children's lives I don't want to be the Easter on to all the Christmas on so I said okay I knew that I'm now following my North Star and so wherever I go I'm gonna be successful so did you did you

14:44realise this at this point that all the stars are aligning because these are loud you know signals from the universe many people don't get quite as as as obvious right it's more yes so at this point did you go I've the universe has got my back or you're not there yet not yet I think I only got that in spirituality more around my late 40s but so still I'm thinking wow there's all great luck yeah great yeah beautiful yeah beautiful luck yeah I better jump on it before it goes away is against still operating from place up here yeah still operating from place up here I better do this quick so I now apply to schools in the west coast now like San Francisco California and all of

15:29that and I get I get in into a private school and I'm like okay let's go and I am there uh in August at the end of August of 2005 and I would say that's when my whole life changes you know like I I feel like that's when you know it's just an amazing story I had to write a book but we're gonna have the the shortened version here so I started working with women and children as part of my grad school program what was your grade sorry what was your grad school program it was masters in American family therapy okay because I come from a broken home I don't know

16:14what it's like to have a family intact yeah so I have no business going and telling people hey this is what it needs to look like if I'm working with prisoners and children and you know and couples so you always need to do the healing first and the understanding to be able to yeah beautiful okay first right so I had to go and do my own personal work and look at my own trauma growing up with no dad and in doing my own personal work what I found out was you know child children babies uh uh fetuses actually take on the mother's trauma which I never knew so a lot of the trauma my mom shielded me from the trauma but guess what uh I the fetus still took

17:07it on right and so she thought you know this is what a lot of parents think that we're shielding people but you know as you said in the womb energetically it's passed on with epigenetics and all that we're not going to go down that route but we think that we're we're protecting them but the living embodiment of it passes on yes yeah okay and and more towards uh you know um you're correct epigenetics and it's seven generations trauma is within my body now and I'm like really and you know and my psychologist is sitting there and educating me she's like yeah you have you know some of this is not your stuff but you have to work through it now and so I'm like okay so I do the work okay oh I do the work yeah and then I work with children and I'm seeing that even though

17:57I was working with adult men's prison as well I was doing federal pre trials very good at what I was doing so that I kept going up the ranks and I was doing it in federal with men's prison and I'm now seeing the connection between these kids that I'm working with teenagers and the adults they're the same people just in an older body so and I'm looking like oh my gosh my people are all suffering in Malaysia as well so that's that we'll cycle back to that but I go to my second yeah but I'm seeing wow everyone's pain is the same all over the world is just that some people have access to help and some people don't

18:42so I told myself I told myself after I finished grad school I was going to move to Malaysia and help everybody yeah okay universe had other plans for me right so what were the what were the universe's plans the universe said oh hell you're not you're gonna stay here in America and well California and you are going to kill the people here you are going to be a success story you are going to change your whole life and that's exactly what happened so talk me through the steps of of of what happened then because you obviously shined yourself in a place Paris Hilton gave you some nudges you went down this thing going I think then you did this you know this marriage count what was it what was it called again marriage

19:32married and family therapy marriage and family therapy and went oh my god this aligns with me I just I feel it viscerally and um and then go I'm going to go deeper and and I'm going to do personally yeah I do yeah okay so then so now what happens is for 10 years I sacrificed my life and um and I give back to everybody and I feel that God universe whatever whatever energy people you know um subscribe to I felt that that gave me um the the light what what I need to follow and so I really knew that I needed to help people be it in Malaysia be it in you know

20:20yeah Zimbabwe be it in in the US I was still helping people it's a ripple of fact and so what I did was I worked with children first and uh because I love teenagers because I feel that we can shape and mold them I worked with them first and saw that we if we change them then you know because early childhood I couldn't go there because I don't have that kind of background besides babysitting that wouldn't work but with with uh with teenagers if I could change that you know and I have four years to change that I did and you know and every single one of those kids and that after four years they actually went to college right so I was working with children whose parents are either dead because of drugs uh who are incarcerated because of drugs

21:11or who have abandoned their children because of drugs so it has to be that component that I could work with them so we actually did that and then I got a letter from the White House I was nominated and I got an award for President Barack Obama I was like oh my gosh wow I mean that is that is life-changing stuff and at this point did your did your intuition did you go I am following my intuitive or was it still just random signs still fear oh still fear but but you were getting signs and you were following those signs I followed yes that I would still say but again I was looking at it as luck opportunity makes preparedness and I was very prepared and that's when it was coming to me that's now it sounds like you were still working you still had this work ethic you know like bringing it through from from before how was your body

22:00holding up in giving you any signals of this is it was so energized I could go to work and knowing I was making a difference in someone's life right just energized me and it also healed me you know as as a human as a person you know yes because my mom never got that help right yes but it's not about but it's not about the long hours it's about the purpose and why you're doing it that that can give you this enormous amount of energy that doesn't exhaust you yeah that's really you know like I was rearing to go I'm like okay when is six o'clock yeah six o'clock yeah yeah yeah yeah you just you just wanted to go yeah that's and then and then I got my second internship

22:51which was the men's prison and the second internship it was where I feel the real work started right because it was seeing this turn if I can do that with those children I can do these with these men but now I have to go into trauma work with them right so I became an EMDR therapist you know really learning how to heal people from trauma right because I think what I needed to get people to was people don't want to sit in therapy for 15 years they want to get in get out and and I had these prisons for a very short period of time yeah you know they would they would apply to my program in prison and I only had a very limited period of time like

23:36maybe six months before they're before they're discharged from the prison system so I had to look for a way I could get to trauma and the deep level core wound heal that before they leave because if not recidivism it's going to keep happening yeah right they're going to keep coming and in and out of prison so can you give us for people who don't understand what a core wound is can you just give us an example of perhaps one of the the ones that you saw the most of what I would like to do instead is tell people core wounds happen between zero to five if it doesn't happen then it happens zero to ten and it gives us a template the template is I'm not good enough I am scared I will never amount to anything nobody loves me you know so it can be from a place of defectiveness like

24:24you know what I'm not I will never amount to anything or whatever that's defective it can be safety so you know fear coming from face of fear like you know like um what if I fail you know I would be a failure things like that and I think I was operating from the place as well like oh my gosh what if I lose you know like yeah it was definitely fear-based right yeah so looking and and working with all of them and healing that trauma with EMDR I could go from one year or two years worth of therapy I could bring it down to 12 to 24 sessions like I became a master wow and and just in terms of healing because people are often you know prepared to put in a certain amount of time and they want feedback quite quickly two years you know you know unless you

25:10get some kind of healing you're going to say this doesn't work whereas not only do you get the feedback that people feel empowered you know and there's this trajectory but also from a you know governmental point of view it's saving a lot of time and money right and and not just doing your time but actually doing your time learning something new and going out as somebody who who who might not land up in the system again so huge for them as well it's a huge thing and so the government in California send me to Dartmouth which is an Ivy League to go and learn how we actually stop this which is two things which was work or um or education put them back in work or put them back in education before they leave so that they have the tools in the skills so that

25:57they don't come back into the system again so which worked perfectly and with that I was able to in California work with a court system so that instead of constantly re-incarceration you know I know what you're saying re-incarceration yeah re-incarceration what we want to do is we want to actually give them you know tools and skills and so we actually started having mental health courts in in California wow okay that was the start of that and you know and Alameda county and all of that and now whole of California has it which is you have drugs and alcohol issues we're actually

26:42going to put in mental health court versus regular court system and just you know uh do incarceration so yeah that's what happened so so again all of these are big shifts right like you know for society you have to do these things first before you get the the reward that's just how the universe works that you have to give back to you to the society first and so doing all the court system and all of that I felt I was helping because when that mother or father goes back into their family again they are now going to be someone different yes right so in giving back to people I knew that the universe was going to also reward me later down the line but I just didn't know when so now small pieces of trust started to come in oh okay so about the

27:35universe yeah so from fear it's slowly shifting to you know what it can't be all just give give give at some point I'm going to get something back yeah yeah yeah yeah and so giving something back I mean there must have been this huge feeling of accomplishment and making a difference not yet not yet okay I was making 45 000 a whole year I was in poverty oh so you were you were literally doing this and giving your heart and soul and hours and learning but despite the salary you're like this is such important work and you're getting science in the universe to keep you on track because a lot of people would have gone this is too hard and particularly you being in poverty I mean that's one of your greatest fears right yes so universe

28:24showed me my poverty and it said but what are you going to do wow it's the same question what are you going to do so I would babysit at night I would clean people's homes and you know I would whatever people needed me to like you know like weekends like they just wanted to spend husband and wife time I needed to just take care of the kids but what was good was I was getting exposed to families that were functioning right I was looking at them going wow this is so great the husband takes care of all the kids in the morning on a Sunday yeah and wife gets to sleep in and he's made breakfast for him taken to bed and I'm like oh this is what normal looks like I was not ever exposed to that and you probably wouldn't learn that in a textbook right you can't

29:11it's got to be so that gosh the whole universe had it all planned out for you didn't it because had you not been on that salary you wouldn't have done that so yeah gosh and that's and that's trust and you know what kept you there because there must be like I could go back to my corporate job and earn like so much more doing my mergers and acquisitions like what what kept you there you know what's funny I was so scared again from Scar City mindset again from place of fear what if I fail as emergent family therapist that's why I did two masters at the same time and that's industrial organizational behavior psychology as well just in case I mess up on this sudden I'm not good at it I can always go back to the corporate but I never had to you know all of this came to

29:59help me as I will say you know in a few minutes yeah so doing all of this I was able to still make the money you know so that I can still live in San Francisco Bay Area which is so expensive yeah yeah super expensive one of the most expensive places in the world and you know doing all of that I think that's why I was saying one day the universe will give back to me and I think that's what I said this trust and belief yeah so before we move on from this transformation it was a huge transformation and and you know what you've learned and the impact you've had is is huge but if you had to sum up just a sentence or a few words on what was the

30:44biggest learning from this transformation what would that be you have to wait you have to wait because and I want to say why because when I waited so I always tell the prisoners this which is don't give up one minute before the miracle happens right I always say that and I had to embody that also so and in waiting for the universe the universe then gave it wasn't big but it was monumental in how it shifted my life again so so tell me about that moment what was okay 20 so let's go to 2016 what happened so we're now like 2015 sorry 2015 yeah I've now gone up the ranks because I'm such a good clinician I'm going up that I've now got licensed and all of that now

31:32the big stuff are coming my way the big contracts so I from my um my federal pretrial work for the FBI and all of that I now go up in a criminal justice and I end up at the White House working for the national office of AIDS and to work there because you're pretty much you know in a very big league at that moment you can't work there unless you have a green card so immediately the government sponsors my green card and poke at you know like that is the best thing that could ever happen and you know all the the good stuff that comes after that because you know hey this you need this now yeah yeah so then it gave me the confidence the belief and the trust that I can now leave

32:26after 10 years serving I can now take care of me and so I started my private practice and then my whole life shifted and the the end of that is I started off with you know saying okay now I have to make my own money and I it's all up to me I've got so much of knowledge and I've got so much of experience now I have to work with Silicon Valley so Jen how old are you at this point so 26 is so I would say I am 43 43 yeah so 43 and you've got all this experience you have all this experience but you've got the trust but you've got this trust

33:14and again I'm going with you're still helping people right yeah but now I can't be in poverty anymore because now I'm 43 and I'm like dude you can't you know just keep helping everybody and you know you can't help yourself and you know I can't do anything I can't travel I can't you know come to visit anyone in Malaysia you know nothing like I can't do anything so I have to embark on this very scary journey of of starting a private practice and I start and I told myself oh my gosh you know like I was paying I was getting paid about I think 19 20 dollars an hour so a game scar city mindset I go with okay let's just talk to everybody 15 dollars an hour yeah and let's see you know if anybody even comes I put the ad up on psychology today I was filled

34:0640 slots I put at 40 slots at 50 dollars a slot and everything was gone by the weekend wow wow I was filled and I was like wait maybe I should not have you know then I said no you start small right start small we already know how to live for this is great money there's a lot of money you know I've never seen this kind of money before and in US dollars oh my gosh yeah yeah yeah so from so every time somebody graduated that slot became a 60 dollar slot and then another person graduated that became a 70 dollar slot all the way now I get paid about 900 dollars just to see me for for an hour an hour 40 minutes so and these women please trust this start small

34:57you'll get to where you need to get to go on so sorry so so these people you're working with you're in Silicon Valley are you doing because you've done a lot of marriage and family work or are you doing kind of and then you've also got the mergers and acquisitions so you've got this understanding of you know you know corporates and so what were you doing were you doing a combination of work so because what because I was so intelligent I think that was my door that opened a lot and also my mom being a trailblazer she never once said I can't go knock on someone's door and say hey my children need to be in your school because they're super smart but I don't have the money can I come and clean your windows for you wow wow got it so she always went knocking and that's exactly what I did I knocked on Google's door Facebook's door

35:46and Apple's door and they were like wait you look Indian guess what we've got lots of Indian people with trauma let's make you this the in-house therapist for all of them so that's interesting Jayn because you know there's a sphere of poverty but there's not this sphere of rejection yeah I don't care about rejection yeah you know yeah okay but also remember also remember that work that I did with everybody else also healed me yes yes right if I did not do all that work for everybody else like I would not have you from this star city mindset and fear mindset right so from there that's when I started opening because everybody wanted to see me there was only one of me so I built you know many many clinics all over California and trade all my clinicians and

36:37all my clinicians you know and I told them you have to be an EMDR therapist and that's what we are selling is a trauma clinic yeah and then the next thing I know I have 40 clinics all over California wow well and in what period of time so from that 20 so 2015 was the green card 2016 all the way through to to now yeah wow okay so just getting more and more belief more and more feedback that you're doing at the results are unbelievable and you're just growing all this money coming in abundance and then what does the universe then what happened then the universe says okay then 40 I would say around 43 universe says okay young lady let's take trajectory again and

37:30I'm like what I'm just enjoying this right now you can't take this away from me I'm like oh god okay fine let's go and then I really embark on spirituality via one of my patients and you know it takes me into a deeper deeper level of work within myself right was that a stone in your shoe or was that just a natural progression of the work you were doing and because you're so curious you're obviously very intelligent and curious there was something in you and like I need to find out more about this just to add it on to uh because adding spirituality on to anything is going to give it a huge you know extra dimension right rocket like rocket fuel yes and you know so

38:16ayahuasca came in I've got you know Joe dispenders meditation one term meditation and all of this is coming to abundance right and it's not scarcity mindset anymore I have now completely transitioned to abundance to abundance and now I'm like okay now we have to give this and give in a different way so I asked the universe hey you know now I have authority now people listen to me now people know who I am around the world now um I can make a change and so I asked for abundance and I said you know like give me a huge sum of money and I can change women single mothers that's what that was

39:08my target signal single mothers I wanted to build homes for them yeah I wanted to make sure that children get the best world-class education like I got yeah dogs for me dogs were a passion so I wanted to help the street dogs of Malaysia of Malaysia um and there was one more I can't remember what it is but you know there was one more and if it if it comes I will tell you that's a lot of money to ask the universe you know and to put out there and to trust that you're going to so what are we talking here Jayn how much money so universe was very sweet to me so I took three million of my money because I earned yeah all of this money and I said okay

39:56you know what I'll part with some because I need something to start yeah so and I knew the universe was going to give it to me because I was in alignment my frequency everything was in alignment so within two years so that was the year 2004 and 2005 um I really learned how to do futures uh you know like all of these things I had to learn because my background is accounting in a in economics in the UK so I had the business background as well so so I learned and then so I took three million of my own money USD and I put it and I made it and I grew it to 75 million in what period of time two years this is 2020 that we went no 2024 and 2025

40:4624 and and okay now that is huge returns this must be high risk stuff Jayn this is very high risk okay okay and and at that point you there was so much trust you like I'm going to put it into here because I have got such a mission I've got all these things I need to do I trust universe going to give it to me I'm going in there so that's and universe and universe gave it to me and universe kept waiting because why am I doing this in 2024 not doing anything with it 2025 still not doing anything with it right it doesn't need to get to 75 million I could have done it with like from three million I could have done it yeah six million I could have I could have taken care of it yeah I didn't why the first time yeah after working since I was 12 years old

41:33I've never had a break so I said you know I need a break give me a break like I need a break not taking care of everyone else like I just wanted to swim I wanted to cook and I wanted to read books I've never had time to do that and so I and so I think I just set time aside to take care of myself and I just said you know can I just be lazy for once in my life because I'm fine financially I'm fine yeah I'm going from abundance mindset so now the second stone now okay right let's hear about the second stone so in September 2025 I lose it all I lose the 75 million

42:21I lose my three million I lose everything I'm down now to about I think about two or three hundred thousand in my bank account and that's it so so the so the investments that you had that were so high risk that when they go well but when they when they fall apart there is nothing when they tank they tank yeah and how because I was because I was relaxing I'm not paying attention to the market yeah right because you you just wanted to you wanted your time out I just I was I was trying to have a break I just wanted to swim and read a book so this is not a stone in your shoe this is a this is a this is a sharp thing that cuts your foot yes and it is also a big huge rock

43:07right in my shoe oh it's my shoe I don't know my feet is gone yeah because because you know at that moment one week of paralysis in bed going to what have I done what have I done now fear sets in everything that I worked so hard to take out of me my fear scarcity you know like everything just comes back and goes oh my gosh I'm going to be poor again oh my gosh I you know like everything that can go wrong is going wrong at this point September October November I'm like okay stop like stop like I can't do it like not this much like you've got to stop and and in sitting down with myself and going to where did I go wrong because you had to go within

44:01because it's not outside of you it's not outside of you because the universe keeps giving me that that sound it starts with a pin drop I knew I should have pulled my money out I didn't listen so what were the things that you ignored along the way I I feel I ignored the the greediness right I would call it greediness because what the hell am I going to do is 75 million I don't need 75 million right I just needed to put in the three million do get another three million I doubled it get out I did it right I was just saying hey now I can help it just kept growing and you're like I might as well be on this gravy and that so what was the big learning for you in that so the

44:50big learning that came after I sat down because I had to literally drag myself out of that bed that one week I was literally hitting my my bed and going what have you done you have lost everything and the fear I think it was the fear going to oh my gosh oh my god I don't think I've had that much of fear in the last 10 years yeah right because you know finally I was okay financially and now to to rip get ripped off everything and in doing all the meditations and learning and going within myself and doing the I am creation and Joe dispensers retreat for 10 days and you know going to ayahuasca and you know getting my nadi reading done in India and doing everything it comes down to

45:41you we trusted you with this kind of money and you didn't do anything with it you just kept it there you are the soldier who needs to do something with the money because you are the person we're not giving it to Tom Dick and Harry to do it they're not in alignment you were in alignment but then you went off and had a break this is not your break time this is you need to work and make sure that all of these things all these four groups of people are taken care of you didn't do that so guess what we need to take that money and we need to give it to someone else who's ready for it that's a huge realization and uh you know and I obviously took a lot of work

46:30because you've done as you said you've done all of these things um and to be that gentle with yourself with the gentle with the universe without blaming anger because you're one of your biggest fears of poverty came true yes and yet you are okay and look at you smiling and so I mean what a story Jayn like it's unbelievable um if you I mean there's a there's a there's a lot in there isn't there and without spirituality perhaps this chapter would not come you know come full circle so where to now so the first thing I had to do was this is happening for a reason

47:19right and again I think you know when I was listening to Joe Chi wait you know in I think you were there when we were together yeah and he said after a certain point you will lose it all by giving it away so I'm choosing to look at it as yeah I earned it but it has gone to the right hand because they're going to do something with it yeah I didn't for two years I sat on it yeah so now the goal here I mean I I'm in a whole different trajectory big this needed to happen right it had to happen it must happen for me to go to the next stage of my life and I am fired up because this is like the best thing that could have happened to me tell me about

48:09the next phase of yours and so all bad things if you look at the silver lining and I don't think I could I could do that before you know but again this is testament to the work I have done you know starting with my own personal work yeah coming to spirituality all the helping other people if you can't you and I always tell my you know when I work with interns and teaching them I always say you can only take the patient down the road as far as you have gone if you're not gone there yeah you can't help people what are you going to say to them you know what I mean yeah you know it's going to be textual knowledge not going to work so living this is so important although it's painful it all has a purpose yeah it's a beautiful purpose I must say and you know and so and because

49:01I I have come to that realization not blaming shaving anybody you know just going to okay it's me it's me everything and I always say to all of my patients everything that happens to you is about you there's no them they everything they are also you who do you are you they are you everything is you so guess what better get used to it you know and take some responsibility right yeah so this is all I'm doing you know I could have stopped at six six million I did it and I'm very okay with it so it's gone to the right hand so where where am I doing to now now it is and and the universe every day is doing exactly like what it did for me before with the lump in the breast and blah blah blah yeah the same thing every single day I'm getting something that comes

49:51to my orbit you need this because what universe told me or what I'm message I'm getting or what I'm receiving or what I am envisioning is I'm going to 10 acts the 75 million wow now I'm going to help a lot more people and no investments out there is there be hard work only and you can do it you've got the skills and you know as you said you you've charged those people who are prepared to pay and if you can get the results people pay um you know particularly around family and everyone I mean I don't know but all the work I've done people just want peace and love and connection don't they that's what it often just boils down to and all the money

50:37in the world is not going to give you that it's not going to give you that so and I want them to smile if they lose 75 million they're like okay we're gonna triple act that or whatever you know like go with that energy and you know and now it's it's I was able to shift from fear again back to no it's abundance it's abundance because just like yesterday I got a what's that message from Alona saying hey there's a summit for four days boom got in that I was awake from 11 o'clock at night all the way to six o'clock this morning doing that yeah because university you know you need to do that you need to do that yes and so how amazing that you are now listening to those signs because the first ones were like a kick in the in the knees so to speak I mean literally could have flawed

51:25you and the second one you know for most people losing that amount of money would would would flaw them and it would be it would be over but yet you find the grace and the power to go back and go what do I need to learn so where can I take this to make me more powerful so that whatever I put into the universe and whatever the universe gives back is 10x'd we're not we're not at this level anymore we're not at this level anymore but I had to do that to get there and that is that's just giving me goosebumps that's that is amazing and what a beautiful message now if there was one piece of wisdom that you could pass on to a woman who's listening you know who feels a stone in the shoe might not have been kicked in the shins might just get a

52:13little natural a little thing what would you want her to know I think listening to her body you know and take action when it's actually a pin drop you don't need it to be a sledgehammer you know or a cannonball like it doesn't have to be big like don't wait until the big thing comes to slap you you need to wake up the minute it is small and we women are so good you know we have this amazing compass within us and we need to listen to our body which is exactly like yesterday night I was like oh I'm gonna go to bed and that thing came up and said oh no you're gonna do this I was like okay I'm gonna do this with no sleep I you know so just listen listen listen because

53:06always coming and giving us messages we are so it's all around us all the message be it a song be it a friend be it a podcast whatever it is if you are listening to this that's a reason you're listening to me today that's something here you need and so just always everything is a messaging from the universe from God whatever you subscribe to just open and you know what I tell the prisoners is take the cotton bud out of the ears and put it in your mouth talk less and listen more yeah and I guess I mean for me as well you know I was such a logical person and you know a lot of my background is achieve achieve achieve and so everything was about logic and the you know the

53:52prefrontal cortex being on high alert and so I gave very little time to the subtle you know things that used to come through and sometimes they give me a sign oh my god the universe sloughed me in the face and I still didn't see it as a sign and it is it's the it's the just stepping back and just listening and that podcast was put there oh okay let me listen to it instead of going it's it's being it's it's creating space to notice and it's not it's little things but they all add up and sometimes it's the big things right um but we we can't always think a miracle is going to be like oh by the way Jayn this is your miracle no no this is the this is the the stepping stone and and doing that so Jayn I I just want to thank you but before we leave

54:37are there any parting words or anything you'd like to to say before we finish this yes I would like to tell women that please do your individual work because if not it is going to be in the way because you need to take all of those bricks off that you're carrying around because if you don't take those bricks off you can have the most amazing opportunities come in front of you and guess what you're not going to go anywhere near it because there's going to be fear there's going to be all kinds of excuses so I would say like you know my mom never put any barriers for herself she kept going to the trailblazer so I saw that and that's what I am I am you know doing till today

55:23you know and so please please please do your individual work that is going to be the first step you don't have to and and people go oh I can't afford a psychologist you don't have to go to a psychologist that is you don't need that what you need to do go to an intern I couldn't afford a psychologist I went to an intern and I paid $15 an hour just 15 just so I can work through my stuff okay so that's a good place to start go to a university college where there's psychology students and get an intern is there anything else you would could recommend on online for people who perhaps don't have access to that way you know where to start or perhaps we could link a few a few things in the social yeah okay with that work okay so so what we could do is um maybe I could you know I don't mind I can have

56:15another podcast with you and people can call it or something and we can you don't let them know what they can do I don't know I'm all right whatever people need well I really appreciate you Jayn I appreciate your time I appreciate your story I appreciate your lessons and you know for some people who might go well I can't relate to this woman is a bloody superstar yes their elements of course she's taken it to the next level but there's something in her story that each and everyone can say she didn't start from all of this she started from very humble beginnings and you know her first uh whispers from the universe were not whispers they were kicking the face and still

57:00so there's hope for all of us we're all in this together and um yeah thank you Jayn I really appreciate your time thank you Debbie thank you for giving me this opportunity and being the first yes hey so exciting all right thanks Jayn thank you take care thank you for joining me for the stone in my shoe podcast if today's conversation stirred something in you I'd love you to follow the podcast leave a review or share it with someone who needs it you can find more tools connection and community by following us on Instagram and Facebook and remember midlife is a powerful invitation to live with even more intention depth and joy see you next time